Saturday, June 5, 2010

Renting Space In My Head

Just heard an amazing quote from Admiral Thad Allen, "I am careful who I let rent space in my head."  He is the federal government's chief on the oil catastrophe in the Gulf.  This was the Admiral's response to the CNN reporter on how he deals with the criticism he deals with on a daily basis.

Wow.  Made me wonder who I allow to rent space in my head.  Made me think what I let squat in the real estate of my soul.

Today was day 147 of packing up my mother's stuff.  It was the day I had to decide what to do with all the cards she never responded to and the pictures she never took out of the envelopes.  I threw the unanswered letters and cards away.  I kept the photos of my sweet babies.

I am still rehabilitating a shoulder that has been healed once already.  I keep re injuring it.  I keep mistaking painlessness as strength.  The absence of pain is not wholeness.  Today, I had a free afternoon with no family, no agenda.  There's stuff to be packed and arranged.  There is vacuuming and cleaning to be done.  All of which would require me to use and abuse my shoulder.  Instead I took a nap.

I gave the disappointment and rejection from my mother an eviction notice.  I served notice on abusing myself and choose to invest in rest.  I am not going to allow my painful past with my mother to sign a lease into my future.  I am going to purchase a small place all my own.

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