Friday, December 11, 2009

The Sound of Silence Part Two

"I wonder what vision will be planted in my brain when I again have the sound of silence?"

In January of this year I closed an entry with this statement. I have now found out.

I am unnerved by silence. Completely at a loss with what to do with myself in the void of silence. I am talking about silence where there is nothing that must be done, no thought that must be thought. True silence.

I am a gutsy broad. For most things I charge ahead, consequences be damned. Drop this often misunderstood warrior chicka into silence and I am undone.

Discovered this the other night. The kids were asleep. The chores done (relatively speaking-the constant mess and chaos of the house always cries for more cleaning/decluttering). The husband was happily seated in his recliner, a laptop connected to his favorite sports/news site, Fox news and ESPN programmed into the remote. I went upstairs, got on my jammies and sat at the edge of the bed.

I could have turned on the t.v., but I didn't. I could have put on a cd. I could have read a book. I just sat there. And it was awful. Truly awful.

It may have been another one of those lovely holdovers from my childhood. There was a lot of silence in my house. It was more often than not a function of someone being mad at someone else and everyone else running for cover. There were weeks that went by with little more than perfunctory communication.

It's almost as if I couldn't stand to be in my own presence. Weird. I know. The best I can to describe it.

There's more to come on this, I am sure. However, right now, I have to turn up the radio on the laptop and turn down the t.v.

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