Saturday, April 12, 2008

Are You Kidding Me? Top Ten

There are times when the task of mothering is overwhelming in its intensity (who knew caring for other smaller humans could take so much energy both emotional and physical?).

There are also times when the outrageousness and sheer lunacy of a week make it tough; tough in the, "Are you kidding me?" kinda way.

Here are the top 10 reasons it was tough to be the mommy this week in my house:

#10: It was 85 degrees in April and I have yet to buy summer clothes for the kids.

#9: The vacuum began to spew dust OUT and UP instead of in, fascinating and amusing to the children, not so much for my sinuses.

#8: There was a Star Wars marathon on t.v. Try explaining the dark side of the force and why Darth Vader breathes so funny to a four and half year old.
(To the social workers who may be reading, no, I did not allow him to watch the more violent or frightening parts. Though, I do admit, the light saber fight between Yoda and the guy with the voice from the Buick commercials was too cool to pass up!)

#7: Did I mention it was 85 degrees in April and we discovered the baby HATES to be hot? Yet another night o' sleep deprivation blues.

#6: I didn't get paid from work (hence the no clothes shopping debacle).

#5: The dog discovered he liked the taste of dirty diapers.

#4: I nearly broke my husband's ankle by throwing a glass bottle at him
(disclaimer for divorce court: I didn't know his foot was in the way of the trash bag...really I didn't.)

#3: I had to take both littles with me to the PPD support group, thus necessitating the following balancing act: vigilance over the baby not to fall over and scrape his face on the hospital carpet, helping the four year old understand he doesn't need to announce so loudly, 'I have to pee,', while keeping the healthy yet tantalizing snacks coming- all in the midst of trying to be supportive and give support.

#2: The dog discovered he liked the taste of dirty diapers and promptly got sick UNDER the bed, 5 minutes before I was about to lay the baby down for the night. True to my germaphobe nature, I had to scrub, sanitize and Lysol the floor. I now have an underbed (?) clean enough to eat and/or throw up on.

#1: I lost my voice from allergies, broken vacuums, 85 degree weather and sleep deprivation. Yelling at anyone, including a poop spewing dog, is now met with a, "What did you say Mommy, I didn't hear you?" blank stare.

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