I make the world's best meatballs. No, really I do. Not that I have asked everyone in the world their opinion (because who speaks Mandarin other than John Huntsman?). I just know that I do.
My problem? I never make them the same way twice. So, they are always the best meatballs of that batch. Someday I will write down the recipe and actually measure. My friend Beth makes magical soup using the same methodology-lop in this, lop in that and voila! (She once made a truly transcendent brew with tomatoes and oatmeal and other stuff...I kid you not. I was afraid then full as I ate the whole bowl!)
Irrespective of the grandeur of my Italian beauties, a miracle happened today. Please refer to my previous blog, Happy New Year , to catch up on my misanthropic outlook on 2011. On this second day of 2012 I have marinated in the positive. Positivity potion is practically pouring out of my cup. Actually, I just decided to take a deep breath, give myself and those around me a break and make some meatballs. It wasn't earth shattering, but it has been one of the better days in recent memory.
Whilst elbow deep in pork/beef/sausage goodness, I played Jesus Culture radio through Pandora on my iPhone. The song, How He Loves Us, by the David Crowder Band came on. (Aside from Michael Gungor he is one of the most talented song writers and musicians in Christian music). The song is a popular one. Every church sings it, even my little staid Methodist outpost. I too sang along, once I found the key, while rolling meatballs. It was a quadruple batch so I had a lot of rolling to do-which is good because the song is over 4 minutes.
There was one line which made me stop. I don't have time to maintain these regrets-when I think about the way HE LOVES US. Regrets, I realized, are my jurisdiction alone. Sure, there are those who would love nothing better than to point at my failures and remind me if I just did what they told me my life would have been different. However, they are no longer in my life, and probably never will be again. Regrets are anvils with handles I choose to pick up-if I allow myself to think about them.
When I do think about the way He loves me, the way my kids love me, the way (when I am not a female praying mantis about to take off his head) my husband loves me-I don't have time to pick up the regrets. I have time to be thankful and be whole. I have time to breathe.
My life is challenging. After this revelation over the meatballs, it still is challenging. However, I can choose not to maintain these regrets and instead think about the good things, the great things, the tasty things-like my miraculous meatballs.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year
It's New Year's eve 2011. I'm on the floor having a breakfast 'picnic' with my boys. Currently their lovies, Fluffy and Via, are imitating the Power Rangers which is on the t.v. Dad, Pappy and Frankie the Wonderdog are catching up on some sleep.
I have a little time before I have to deal with the pork roast. My Dad requested one that falls apart and doesn't need cut (if you know the name of that type of roast, let me know...).
2011 has been, in large part, not very good. I could couch it in spiritual terms of 'building character'. I could rationalize the financial burden as a 'turn down in the economy'. I could make excuses for poor decision making as 'doing the best we could'. I could philosophize death and loss as 'part of the circle of life' (cue the Lion King theme).
Instead I will simply say, it's been tough and I am glad it's over.
There is one thing I have always loved and that's a good redemption story. Could be my faith, which is singularly built on the hope and promise of beauty for ashes. Could be my inner squishie which really just wants everyone to do and be their very best.
Whatever the reason, that is what I and my family will be in 2012-a good redemption story.
How do I know? Lying in the ashes of this year are some refined nuggets of wisdom. Wisdom tried and purified in the fires of lack, loss and laziness. My resolution for 2012? Pick up those nuggets and put them to use.
The first nugget? Time with children needs to be quality AND quantity. Once upon a time, I thought the 30 minutes I could be eye to eye with my little fellas after work/dinner/homework was enough. Once upon another time, my mothering pendulum swung the other way. 24/7 with the little guys was the ONLY way to go. Now, at least for me, there is a balance. Spending 24/7 where we all satellite each other in our own orbit isn't really quality. And spending time playing, talking and laughing together for hours on end isn't realistic. What matters is a balance of both. They need me. They don't need a full agenda of developmentally appropriate and intellectually stimulating activities. They also need to know they can be okay without me.
So here we sit, in the waning hours of 2011 laughing and singing along with cartoons. My heart is full as my four year old cuddles in close to watch me type. I discuss with my 8 year old whether Doofenschmurtz or Perry is the coolest. And my pocket is full of a nugget inscribed with quality + quantity.
2012 is already shaping up to be a good year.
I have a little time before I have to deal with the pork roast. My Dad requested one that falls apart and doesn't need cut (if you know the name of that type of roast, let me know...).
2011 has been, in large part, not very good. I could couch it in spiritual terms of 'building character'. I could rationalize the financial burden as a 'turn down in the economy'. I could make excuses for poor decision making as 'doing the best we could'. I could philosophize death and loss as 'part of the circle of life' (cue the Lion King theme).
Instead I will simply say, it's been tough and I am glad it's over.
There is one thing I have always loved and that's a good redemption story. Could be my faith, which is singularly built on the hope and promise of beauty for ashes. Could be my inner squishie which really just wants everyone to do and be their very best.
Whatever the reason, that is what I and my family will be in 2012-a good redemption story.
How do I know? Lying in the ashes of this year are some refined nuggets of wisdom. Wisdom tried and purified in the fires of lack, loss and laziness. My resolution for 2012? Pick up those nuggets and put them to use.
The first nugget? Time with children needs to be quality AND quantity. Once upon a time, I thought the 30 minutes I could be eye to eye with my little fellas after work/dinner/homework was enough. Once upon another time, my mothering pendulum swung the other way. 24/7 with the little guys was the ONLY way to go. Now, at least for me, there is a balance. Spending 24/7 where we all satellite each other in our own orbit isn't really quality. And spending time playing, talking and laughing together for hours on end isn't realistic. What matters is a balance of both. They need me. They don't need a full agenda of developmentally appropriate and intellectually stimulating activities. They also need to know they can be okay without me.
So here we sit, in the waning hours of 2011 laughing and singing along with cartoons. My heart is full as my four year old cuddles in close to watch me type. I discuss with my 8 year old whether Doofenschmurtz or Perry is the coolest. And my pocket is full of a nugget inscribed with quality + quantity.
2012 is already shaping up to be a good year.
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